COMIC SKETCHES

jeudi 15 mars 2018

PRINCE CHARMING

Isarielle

SACEM 15 March 2018

Aaaahhh ! I had a good night’s sleep !...

Yes, I know, three months is a bit long, that’s true, but it is wintertime…

No, no, I woke up by myself, like a big girl...

What do you mean by how ? With Andy, of course!...

Where he is? Hahaha, what business is it of yours where my Android phone is?

Ah… you mean……. him ? Frankly no idea… With Paris on flooding alert, then the snow storms, the black ice, the wild winds, the biting cold, the flights and bus services cancelled, the metro lines disrupted, and the roads blocked, asking me where he is... how should I know ?

Are you kidding me ! No, I won’t... What would I look like with my text message ? « WRU WRUD ? » No, no, no, he would feel like he is already in conquered territory... No way... Besides, it’s too late, I am awake now…

Oh, I don’t know, why don’t you file a complaint with the Public Works Department and with the Met Office, set up a Google alert or something. He has been delayed, that’s all, he’ll show up at some point...I am not worried..

But of course, of course I’ll keep you updated, next winter, for sure…, keep in touch, I’ll keep you in the know !…

________________________________________________

The MRI

Isarielle

SACEM 15th March 2018

Absence of cervico-occipital joint

Absence of bulbo-medullary junction

I am wondering, Doctor ... Absence of cervico-occipital joint... OK, I am not THAT surprised, considering how zealous the jackhammers are... BUT absence of bulbo-medullary junction at that......... isn’t it a bit much for a one and only woman, uh ?? What do you think ?...

Well, I know you don’t type the reports yourself, but what do you mean exactly by it isn’t the end of the world…?? [Deep breath ...] So, if I am to follow your line of reasoning, Doctor, it is now up to the patients themselves to detect the fake news in the reports ... Oh well, why didn’t you say so right from the start... I guess the most compos mentis among us will get by fine ; I just hope the rest are not weak-hearted ...

Pardon me? “It should have been : Absence of abnormality in the cervico-occipital joint ... only one word was missing… abnormality...”

Yes, but what a word, Doctor, what a word ! Doubly conspicuous by its absence ... And what can be deduced from that? Uh ? Well, that Isa has neither joint nor junction, in other words, that Isa is disjointed and misaligned, you see, a bit disturbing…

Yes, I understand, no, no, far be it from me to put the blame on your assistant, Doctor, I know she is completely overworked, poor woman. But let me just suggest a few abbreviations for your future reports, to speed things up a bit more:

Absence of abnormality in the cervico-occipital joint: AAC-OJ

No, no, let’s save time, AACOJ

Now, I must agree with you, Doctor, if there is no abnormality, indicating that there is one seems rather superfluous. So that gives us ACOJ.

Finally the joint does not appear to be very useful either since we have seen here above that it could be absent ... therefore that leaves us ultimately with ... A

Well, there you are, Doctor! A!

Ok, I see you got the general idea ; I’ll let you do the same with the junction and the rest. Oh, no, no, no, don’t thank me, it's nothing really... don’t mention it! Happy to help.

Well, I am going now, I know you’re busy; my joint, my junction and I are on our way, feeling light and relieved.

CU Doc !

Oh! I almost forgot, just one more thing… I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings, but these euh... sounds..., they don’t make you feel like booking your spot in advance, you know, you’ll never hit it big with those, Doc, believe me…

jeudi 8 mars 2018

________________________________________________________________

THE HACKED PC

Isarielle

Copyright SACEM August 22nd 2017

- Hi,
I’m nu on zis forum, komin’ 2 see if u can help. I beeleev my PCs been hackt. Wen I turniton in ze mornin’, i see strang tings, like zi arow of ze kursor zat moovz ôl buy itself or for exempol wen i upplode a foto wiz my eidj onit to a deitin site, ze next day i see i’m nolonger 22, but 44... can u help?
PS : i’mnogood wiz compyouters

- Hi…
Thanks for joining us on this forum. I have had a bit of a hard time reading your post, but I am going to try to help you with your problem. However, let me remind you that the title of this forum is not « Has my PC been hacked? », but « Are you for or against motherboards? ».

- Oh, i’msory i didn’t no.

- No problem. Have you had this problem for a long time ?

- Iwoodsay, abaot 3 days. Ishuramnot paraknoid, but i tink zere’s sambadi in my PC…

- No, no, not necessarily.

- Endso i nolonger dair 2 kontact my kontacts, i’m afred to kontaminet dem, beecuz ôl zoz i no, zay ôl hav de sem problem azmi nao.

- OK, listen, I’m not so sure I’m gonna be able to help in fact. Ur problem seemz mor important zanit looks, maybee u kood kontakt anoder forom. Wadjatink?

- OK, gotcha M8, no problem, TY anihao.

- Ur welkom. GTG.

_________________________________________________________________

FALLOW AND FLOWERY

Isarielle

Being renovated, yes,... well, not me, my appartment...

Who just said « It might be time to start thinking about it too, Isa... »?

Hey you, yes, you in the last row, come over here, snowflake!

You will write 125 times..., why 125? Because love doesn’t count the cost, that’s why! Don’t make things worse for you! You’ll write 150 times « Silence on the set! Isa is working, for touch-ups come back later! » 150 times... Go back to your seat now!...

With a smile on your face!

Needless to say, I’ll add you back only when it’s done...

Now... let me see, where was I?... Oh, yes! On my terrasse... I am sitting here just like a refugee between the refrigerator and the watering-can... I catch sight of my feet, nearly levitating over a window box of geraniums and beyond my feet, which I can say are quite pretty, I see the world... and all of a sudden, in a bunch of sparkles, ideas come to me at 120mph (well, let’s say 100). Quick! To write them down I need. And so, in one move, I grab my rock and my chisel and for posterity these words I engrave : « Yes, my field is fallow and so what...?? » ; carried away by my own momentum, I quickly carve and paste a second "And so what??...", at which point, letting go of my rock and chisel, filling my lungs with early morning air, my hands on my ribs, my chest opened wide, in one breath I let out these words for all that want to hear:

« Yes, my field is fallow ⁽¹⁾
Fallow and proud to be
Fallow, but willingly,
Fallow, yes, but jointly.

Ladies, please remember,
Fallow is not barren ⁽²⁾
Fallow is not desolate... ⁽³⁾
Jeez!

And so, frolic you may.
Twirl around, hop about!
Drink in all the laughters
Joyfully, gleefully!
Drink in the luscious scents
Ravished by ecstasy,
Enchantment and content!

Enjoy life, make it yours,
Every blessed day,
Live it to the fullest
Savour it with relish
And appreciation!
Breathe in deeply, Ladies,
Breathe in the happy scents
Of the field left fallow.

Gather them in bouquets
Dainty, bright and shiny
Or gorgeously glowing.
Just do as you deem wise
And as pleases your soul.
Fill it with the colors
And all the pretty tones
Of the field left fallow!

Live your life, Ladies, live
Whatever may befall,
Live!
Don’t ever wait for some,
To give you permission!
Life’s only a moment,
No time for languishing.
Life’s only a moment,
No time for languishing... »

Moved by the words and by all the work done, feeling it is useless to expand on it more, I cast a proud eye over the rope ladder and leave the balcony, serene and comforted...

(1) Fallow : (of land) plowed and left unseeded for a season or more; uncultivated
More on: Cambridge Dictionary

(2) Barren : unproductive; unfruitful.
More on: Cambridge Dictionary

(3) Desolate : solitary, lonely.
More on: Cambridge Dictionary

____________________________________________________________

CHINON-SUR-BELON

Isarielle

What do you mean by Indre-et-Loire is not by the sea !? Oh, really? Reeeally ? Oh ....... I thought that with the melting of the ice caps ... No? OK......

Well..., so be it..., but maybe we could prepare the Indre-et-Loironians... Indre-et-Loirians..., in short, those living in the area, a little bit... and so why not call a referendum right now... "Are you for or against the coming of the sea to Indre-et-Loire"? At least we would know where we stand, you see.......

And yet... the more I think about it..., the more I’m wondering... is it such a good idea... because... I mean... Chinon-sur-Belon, Amboise-sur-Mer, that sounds pretty good, the problem does not lie there... no..., but, let’s say that for purely personal reasons, I would like it better if Chinon remained on the Vienne river and la Trinité where it is, you see...

I mean... try to follow me here..., if Chinon is on Belon, what does that imply, huh? It means that southern Brittany is under water, that's what it means and here I am telling you clearly, it's a NO!!!....... What do you mean by I am playing favourites?? Not at all... I did not say Côtes d'Armor... so, you see...

No, no... but if people were asked a bit more about what they think, such things would not happen, that’s what I’m saying! That’s all.

___________________________________________________________________

THE TEXT MESSAGE

Isarielle

The other day, I received a text message for identity verification... No introduction, no nothing, just 4 letters: LUNY... There was no countdown, folks, I can tell you that; right away I texted back LUNY YOURSELF*... it calmed them down, believe you me... from then on there was like a big void out there... I could tell that they were very embarrassed, very unprepared for that... but that taught them a lesson... now they text appropriately... no... the messages are neither intelligent, nor always readily understandable at first glance, and... yes, they are still as short as ever..., but I would say overall quite respectful ^^

ROTFLMAO**
Isa

* Why should I expand on my identity with people I don't know from Adam or Eve??...
**(Internet) Used to express great amusement.

__________________________________________________________________

KAMASUTRA

Isarielle

You want my opinion on sex? I’ll give it to you: overrated and overdone, very much so... Let’s take an example : Kamasutra, 100 positions... 100 positions* ... ?????!!!!!????? When 1 or 2 would be largely sufficient to cover our recommended daily intake, uh? Listen! Frankly... OK, agreed ! We do not all have to like the same ones, you are right... Feel free... but stiiiiiilllllll...

It is a bit like going to the supermarket and choosing from the 100 varieties offered… You reach saturation point, you understand, and you end up not knowing which way to turn, not to mention that the whole thing takes an awful lot of time, time that could easily be used for something much more meaningful, OK, deeper if it's clearer for you... No, really...

And frankly, if you look at the 100, how many really epitomize true creativity ? Very few, if you want my opinion, very few. The guy, Vatsyayana , was stuck at home, on a Tuesday, it was raining, he thought « Well, what could I do with my day ? What about listing a few positions in case I lost my memory ? » That’s how things went, you see… After a while, he looked through the window, saw that it was still raining and so he went on... and on... He was working on the 64th one when all of a sudden no more ink. He realized he had to stop, otherwise he would still be working on it...

No, no, really, very overdone... The guy was well equipped, that’s all; he just moved his cursor in the tool box: move vertically, move horizontally, zoom-in, magic wand, bucket fill, blend, align, move again, rotate 360°, flip, smudge, perspective, sensaround, and that’s it, you know, all in all not overly complicated... when you have the right tools... ^^

* I am most certainly going to disappoint some of you around here, but there are only 64 positions in Kamasutra, so said Wikipedia :)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kama_Sutra